wreck our hearts with Your love.

"It will not satisfy our souls just to read of the love of Jesus, to hear the most beautiful description of it, or even believe that He loves us. We must enjoy a sweet sense of it, be very conscious of His nearness, and feel the imprint of His kiss of love." -- L.M. McPhee

set ablaze.

COME BE THE FIRE INSIDE OF ME.

COME BE THE FLAME UPON MY HEART.

UNTIL YOU AND I ARE ONE.

time for a change.

so i know this is like a public blog and i'm not sure anyone actually reads it but this is just me rambling about things i wish to change. i don't really know why i write in this thing.

i'm sick of myself.

sick of who i've been and who i am.

sick of letting the things of this earth get me down and take over me.

sick of letting people treat me the way that they do.

sick of myself treating people the way i don't want to be.

sick of not using my time wisely.

sick of not having the right motives and the right heart.

sick of not loving Jesus the way He should be loved.

sick of not realizing who i should be in Christ.

when will it change?

when will i begin to make a change?

let's go deeper.

write more songs,

learn more words,

paint more pictures,

read more books,

sing new songs,

read more scripture,

ride more bikes,

play more instruments,

find more love,

speak more encouragement,

empower more people,

give more love,

have more compassion,

have a deeper romance,

i could go on for days.

let's go deeper now.

i'm holding my heart out.

i want to go deeper.

i want to understand love.

i want to accept grace.

i want to use the term "daddy."

i want to feel your presence in every waking moment of every day.

i want to embrace the little things in life and stop taking them for granted.

i want to extend my hand to the lost daily.

i want to be overwhelmed with compassion and love.

i want to search His heart more closely and stop being all talk.

i want my eyes to be opened and my heart to be moved.

i want to write a hymn of His unmatched glory.

i want to live a legacy for your name.

i want you more than i want to live another day.

when will my "wants" become "needs"?

so many words, so little time.

as you may well know, my brain never shuts off. 

but i guess for this moment i feel as if something is stirring inside of me.

i've been writing new songs, decorating my walls with endless pictures, writing a blog an hour and lately i've been  sitting outside just to listen to the birds sing. maybe it's just a phase or maybe it's because i'm onto something greater. something that bathes me in love and mercy until i cease. it's exciting, really. i've never been more thankful for life as i am now. everything and everyone in it. 

i'm also thankful for Laiza Cristhal Montes Recinos...my compassion child.

she is beautiful in every single way and i love her already.

thank yooou Jesus.

el fin...for now.

writings pt. duex

"all that i can do is hold onto you."

somehow, the words of bethany dillon never cease to ring true in my life day to day.

just when i thought there was nothing here for me and i was to go back, God pulled out 

His best and gave it to me to grab ahold of and run with. i couldn't be more thankful for the open doors. God is good, hey? not a prayer goes unanswered. so yeah, my heart is exploding with excitement for things to come and with a love for my maker. i don't know what i did to deserve this love but i'm never letting it go. i don't have much else to say except i had a dream that i was babysitting the "8" in john&kate+8 and it was amazing. i played with aaden the whole time, haha. 

by the way....thats kellie marie and she inspires me in every way even though she is still in australia. she is beautiful and keeps me going. i miss her and i miss my wall too. wah.

90-something days!!!

A.G. Ward

i just thought this was beautiful.

read between the lines, please.

"Could we with ink the ocean fill,

And were the sky a parchment made,

And every stalk on earth a quill,

And every man a scribe by trade,

To write the love of God to man

Would drain the ocean dry.

Nor could the scroll contain the whole

If stretched from sky to sky."

"thoughts under the stars"

foreword: this was written in my livejournal on 30 May 2008. the beginning was sort of a rant and rave about

my life and how i wasn't happy and blah blah blah. i didn't post that part because i realize that i was being

ridiculous, ha. i have it good. anyways, on this particular night i was sitting outside of my apartment in Sydney

reminiscing about my life and how worthless i thought i was. maybe it was the endless supply of stars, or the fall chill, or maybe it was just the Holy Spirit. but i felt worth something. it was sort of an infinite feeling. so yeah, maybe...hopefully, you'll feel it too.

[POST]

...realizing that people do love; that i have loved; that people love me; that God loves me. that He made this night sky for me. He placed every star in its place for me. that He paints sunrises and sunsets and clouds for me. that He created the beach because He knew i would love it so much and delight in it. He created palm trees because He knew i would think they are beautiful...the list is endless...

all of this time i have rejected these truths because i thought i was being selfish. why would GOD create ANYTHING for me? why would He take time out to paint the sky for me? why would He even take the chance to love me? i've been stuck in self-pity for so long. i want to break these rusty chains and be free; left without a scratch...left with only the future ahead of me...a future of love for GOD, OTHERS, and importantly, MYSELF.

but i need to stop feeling like i'm being selfish; because i am not. these are big truths. i need to stop thinking i'm not worthy of love or any affection because God created me to love me and to watch me love.
its time...i need to accept God's love; and in return...i need to give it to others.

i need to accept who He is and believe He is going to change my mind, heart and life.
i am starting to read matthew and really take it in because i'm sick of being a hypocrite and for being fake about my "sweet Jesus" who i don't even know. i want to know Him now. i'm more than ready.

anyways, this excited me....really excited me.
"The main character in this drama will ignite the kingdom life within you, a fire within you, the Holy Spirit within you, changing you from the inside out." --matthew 3:12

it's not all up to me. God wants to start something in me and He promises to. 
i am not alone and never have been and i never will be, either....woah.
God is good for that fact alone...but that is only the beginning.

IGNITE ME, LORD.
LET ME DECREASE SO THAT YOU CAN INCREASE.
I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE ANYMORE.
TAKE ME AWAY WITH YOU.

"not enough words"

foreword: this was written on 16 June 2008 when i realized the overwhelming sense

of God's abundant love for me. every once in a while i begin to think way too much

and get drowned in my thoughts. everytime i think to ask God to switch my thoughts

for His, He always does and lets me breathe. He's always faithful, hey?

[POST] --

GOD WHY DO YOU DO THIS.
how are you so GRACIOUS and MERCIFUL and LOVING?
everything i need i HAVE IN YOU.
you know exactly how to meet me where i am and fill me to overflowing.
you know my thoughts and how to destroy them and make them yours.
you know my heart and how to take out the things that will overtake me.

YOU FILL ME WITH YOUR LOVE.
time and time again.

even when i don't take time out for you.
when i do my own thing and not even talk to you all day.
when i don't understand who i'm dealing with and when i take you for granted.
when i let my thoughts overtake my mind and heart instead of seeking yours.
when i let pride or jealousy or hate demolish the relationships you have given me.

why do we do this?
why do i do it over and over?

make me stop Jesus.
i am yours.
enough of this.

EMPTY ME.
FILL ME WITH YOU.

i hate who i am.
i want to be like you.

i thank you that i can vent.
i pray that you will continue to fill me with your undeserved love and peace and grace.
i pray that you will let it overflow with songs and hymns to you, my God; my Rock; my Salvation.

thank you for restoring the joy of my salvation.
just like i asked.

Matthew 7
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

you are amazing, Jesus.
make me more like you.

you turned my mourning into dancing.
you turned my sorrow into joy.
i will praise you forever more.

LET YOUR NAME BE LIFTED HIGHER.

 

writings pt. un

so, hey. i've been writing in my livejournal for about a year but it's really sort of personal but there are some entries i would like to share, if anyone is even reading this. they are mostly all about Jesus because my life is mostly all about Jesus. not as much as i would like but it's a journey, hey? anyways, i hope you're blessed or have some sort of revelation or maybe just smile a bit wider than usual. i hope you see my heart and enjoy some of my triumphs with me and even a few of my heartaches. i'm just a complicated girl on a quest for something greater. i'm on a quest for Jesus' heart. space mountain pales in comparison to this exciting journey. please join me. love you always.